230203 Raven Newsletter

February 03, 2023

HAIL GFOP!

I type with fingers recoiling in fear. The Premier League splurged a record amount of cash in the January window and Everton contributed not a cent to the total. I would like to tell myself this was on moral grounds. A dignified protest against Todd Boehly’s cash-soaked avarice. But it was not. More a surrender. A capitulation. And we play league-leading Arsenal this weekend. I feel a profound emptiness. The anger has eaten me away. I am left numb and exhausted. I know all too well, final outcomes in the Premier League ultimately correlate to spreadsheets. Ours is a hot mess. The rest of the season feels like some kind of footballing voyage of the doomed in which the dominant emotion is one of mourning the destruction of the club I love.

The transfer window was Caligula-esque from a Premier League perspective. Watching Chelsea live the final 24 hours was akin to witnessing Todd Boehly act out Al Pacino’s final scenes in Scarface. “Say hello to my little friend Enzo Fernandez,” whose pursuit pushed Chelsea’s January spending to $380M – more than the entire Premier League in this window last year, outstripping the money trickling out of all of the other four supposed major leagues combined. Yet this was not just Chelsea. Even Bournemouth elbowed AC Milan aside to win the signature of players, and Southampton splurged $71M. Why this Nation State spending happened at Chelsea and whether it fits any kind of discernible strategy remains to be seen. For now, what we witnessed shattered any idea of competitive balance. And with the dark echo of the Super League still resounding, is far from something to be celebrated.

2. I love this conversation so much 🍻

What a week it has been at Men in Blazers World Headquarters where we released our Annual John Oliver Midseason Review Pod Special – a few weeks later than usual because of the World Cup. And in this Podcast, John - like Lionel Messi - continues to make the sublime look routine. We talk Liverpool's Season of Blunder; Jack Grealish as a child in a Premier League footballer's body; and Reyna-Gate. LISTEN HERE. And we've released a version of the interview on our YouTube page, where you can watch my face turn red because John is cracking me up so much. We are putting so much content on our YouTube these days. The weekly Podcast with Rog and Davo. Interviews with Premier League footballers. And much more, including a special treat that's dropping next week.... SUBSCRIBE. SUBSCRIBE. SUBSCRIBE.

3. To The Football

i. Chelsea vs. Fulham (TODAY, 3 PM ET, USA)

Tenth Place Chelsea take the field after their January Extreme Makeover. It remains unclear if new British Transfer Fee record-breaker Enzo Fernandez can play for work visa reasons. (Chelsea big on burning cash; paperwork, not so much.) We also have no idea whether the influx of new bodies was part of some cunning 4-D Chess plan, or merely new American owners adoring the sudden global attention owning a football brand affords you in a way MLB simply cannot.

It is going to be fascinating to see how Graham Potter manages the egos, tactics, and price tags of his suddenly NFL-sized squad. Boehly is said to have jerry-rigged these acquisitions through a soon-to-be-closed loophole which allow lengthy contracts and staggered payments. Failure to qualify for the Champions League and the revenue it brings could lead to a fire-sale of homegrown talent.

ii. Everton vs. Arsenal (Saturday, 7.30 AM ET, USA. Crappiest Way to Start Weekend) 😢

Sean Dyche, you are our only hope. Even the most strident Liverpool fan cannot hate Everton more than our owner Farhad Moshiri seems to. Dyche is the eighth Everton Manager of Moshiri’s calamitous seven years at Everton. He enters with the club in a death spiral of one win in 14 games, wilting into 19th place as the stench of death reeks over Goodison Park. Yet that ginger bastard has had so little time to ingrain his ways (and by ways I mean, “Hit everything and run till you puke") that I will watch this game with fear levels set to extreme.

Here is the concern: At Burnley, Dyche not only had time to train his players pre-season, but foster a culture around his very basic ideas and transfer in the kind of Ashley Barnes-esque characters who can commit to it. Here, there has just been introduction, culture shock, and… well who knows what comes next. Transformation or Mutiny?

The Premier League Script Writers are sick bastards sending first-placed lean and hungry Arsenal rolling into town, propelled by Mikel Arteta, a gent who resurrected his playing career during six seasons at Goodison Park under David Moyes. My vibe? “Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death… I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls… the shield that guards the realms of men.”

More: Sean Dyche turning up in Merseyside in shorts in 7 degree weather and putting his team through a bleep test mid season is the most Sean Dycheiest thing he could have done.

iii. Manchester United vs. Crystal Palace (Saturday, 10 AM ET, P’Cock)

No manager has taken domestic cup competitions more seriously than Ten Hag, a gent who clearly wants to instill a silverware-tinged winning culture back to Old Trafford any which way. The Carabao and FA Cup campaigns are beginning to show signs of wear on the squad. Christian Eriksen and Scott McTominay are out, as that Mustachioed Dapper Dan, Marcel Sabitzer, arrives. Jadon Sancho is back for the first time after 102 days out, and that lost boy may benefit from Ten Hag’s man management which has already returned Marcus Rashford to elite levels. The Main Event though: Chris Richards-Antony II. 🇺🇸

PS I spoke to Patrick Vieira about Chris Richards on Wednesday. That interview will drop on our YouTube next week.

More: Manchester United face a huge dilemma over the future of Mason Greenwood, who had attempted rape and assault charges dropped after a “key witness withdrew.”

iv. Nottingham Forest vs. Leeds 🇺🇸 (Sunday, 9 AM ET, USA)

A truly remarkable prospect for American fans: to have this many USMNT players assembled on a Premier League squad, under the eyes of an American coach, with American investors poised to take over majority ownership, with the Premier League at its most competitive peak from a footballing perspective is a high-stakes moment of wonder. Jesse Marsch’s team may be just one point off the relegation zone, but buoyancy of expectation abounds after a transfer window which has brought in a number of men who can actually play football, including Max Wöber and Georginio Rutter. The arrival of Little Elm, Texas’ Weston McKenzie, though, through our lens, is the most riveting aspect. Jesse Marsch said this morning that Weston may start alongside Tyler Adams. Win, and we can grease up telephone poles across the nation, Philadelphia-style. Fail, and American accents will not be welcome in Yorkshire for generations. 🦅

v. Manchester City vs. Tottenham (Sunday, 11.30 AM ET, NBC Proper)

A game of two magnificent strikers, one otherworldly, one human. Erling Haaland will try and blast his 26th goal of the season. Harry Kane wants the single goal which will propel him past Jimmy Greaves to become the club’s all-time leading scorer.

One notable absence: Tottenham manager Antonio Conte is recuperating after having his gallbladder removed and will be out for an unforeseeable amount of time. We wish him a speedy return to health.

More: Full Premier League Weekend Broadcast Slate Here

4. More from MiB Network

i. One day after the Transfer Window SLAMMED SHUT (as it is contractually obliged to do) we hosted a special Do it Live! to break down the ONE BILLION DOLLARS Premier League clubs spent during January. We also went deep on the Baby Eagles' comings and goings with journalist/insider/mustache of truth Tom Bogert. LISTEN HERE. And if you have 60 seconds, WATCH ROG BREAK DOWN CHELSEA'S SPENDING.

ii. And talking of our Baby Eagles... subscribe to our American States United Newsletter, a weekly briefing on how our Men and World Cup Champion Women are faring in global football's biggest leagues. SUBSCRIBE HERE. This is a terrific new release that we have put a lot of work into and is overseen by our new friend Randy Kim. Please support it. We are working hard to grow our newsletter offerings so more, much more to come. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

5. More Football, Did Ya Say?

i. Opta have statistically developed a power ranking for all clubs in major leagues including MLS. It is fascinating.

ii. Antonee Robinson Profile. Deep dive into the greatest Scouse American ever to do it. Really lovely to see our boys given this kind of media treatment.

iii. NYCFC. Sad story of how the MLS club has fallen down Manchester City’s order of priorities and are no longer a “sister club, more a distant cousin.”

iv. This is a Disgrace by FIFA. To think they can allow Saudi Arabia to SPONSOR the Women’s World Cup in Australia and New Zealand, despite Saudi’s oppression of women’s human rights. FIFA continues to be craven and valueless. Play this forward a decade and football will have become totally dystopian.

6. Not Football, And All the Better for It

i. It takes five seconds to know if you like a song. But it takes many years of hearing it in your children's friends' bar mitzvah slideshows to know if you truly hate a song.

ii. "It might sound crazy at first, she cautioned, but give it an open mind: How about building a spaceport on the empty peatland out back?" The Scottish Spaceport at the Edge of the World.

iii. 2023’s Best & Worst States for Singles. Aussie Open-addled brain assumed this was about tennis and was very surprised when the worst state was West Virginia, rather than cramping, followed by can't find your first serve and the umpire just gave you a second time violation and you're considering throwing pennies at her as revenge but in the back of your mind you know it didn't go that well last time.

iv. A NASA spacecraft discovers a formation on Mars resembling a bear. If it's this bear I take back everything I've ever said about Mars.

v. Trial Begins for Woman Who Allegedly Tried to Poison Friend With Cheesecake to Steal Her Identity. The genius thing about using cheesecake to poison someone is that, at least for those of us with Jewish intestinal tracts, you really don't even have to put anything else in there. Pure cheesecake would do the job just fine.

vi. Minnesota teen has slept in his backyard for nearly 3 years just for fun. This kid is going to have his mind blown when he discovers petty vandalism and loitering in malls.

viii. 14th Annual Trader Joe's Customer Choice Awards. One time I had a pretty severe mental breakdown in Trader Joe's and sat on the floor next to the canned tuna for like 30 minutes staring catatonically into the medium distance and everyone just kind of stepped around me including the employees which led me to conclude that they see a lot of that sort of thing and while it clearly hasn't impacted their bottom line I do think they could have some kind of internal meeting to ask themselves if it's something they're doing wrong.

ix. Where to Eat in 2023. Cambridge, England is a bold choice, I'll give them that.

x. Scarborough Drug Dealer who taunted police "catch me if you can" is caught by police. Ultimately this would be more ironic if this wasn't already the exact plot of the film Catch Me If You Can but you have to admire the confidence of a man who is ready to pit himself against the power of Spielberg.

xi. 6 Doctors Swallowed Lego Heads for science. Trust the science!!!

xii. At 23 years and counting this Chihuahua from Ohio is the world's oldest living dog. The intriguing thing about this headline is the implication that there is also a world's oldest dead dog out there patiently waiting to be written into the record books.

xiii. Beloved Canadian groundhog found dead moments before prediction. First time it's a tragedy. Second time it's a conspiracy.

xvi. Alexa Chung on the unpolished appeal of Indie Sleaze. "Like a fancy-dress party where the theme was drugs."

xvii. This song has propelled me through my week: Maia Toakley. Eye to Eye. Which includes the brilliant lyric “The way you talk about your mother says it all.”

xviii. I have really enjoyed this book: A Line in The World by Dorthe Nors. You know I am a Scando-phile. This is a stunning work. A poetic memoir that mixes deeply reflective personal digressions into the history and geography of Jutland. Hard to describe, but truly mesmerizing to imbibe. Like a rich chocolate for your mind.

That is it for today. I will be back on Morning Joe in the 7 o’clock Hour on Monday. Thank you for all your emails and tweets after the John Oliver podcast. It is incredibly special to be able to have these kinds of conversations. I don’t really know how to define “these kinds,” but I know from your feedback that they bring you joy and that is enough for me. Let’s gird our loins for all that is to come. And even in the darkness – and for Everton fans, this is TRULY dark – remind ourselves to thank the Old Gods and the New that this is only football. At least that is what I am trying to tell myself.

Let's make great memories together through watching Football and never take it for granted.

Big Love

Courage

ROG